Well, I am overjoyed to report that I have not up and run off, stark-raving mad. Quite the opposite, I have for the past 6 days been experiencing the benefits of the new anti-depressant, Wellbutrin. I am a little kicking myself for not taking this stuff sooner in my life. I say that and I immediately remind myself that my HP has a plan for me and I am open and grateful for the easing of the symptoms of depression. I guess that is what they mean by outside help.
There is a part of me that wants to judge myself for not being able to "hack-it". Not being tough enough to persevere. I hope that is the inner monologue that is so screwed up. I remind myself that I am doing the best that I can and then concentrate on doing the next right thing.
Speaking of next right thing.....I want to play rugby. I got all fired up about it after watching a match in Calgary this weekend. It was very exciting. I could use a bit of excercise and added weight, but I have to start somewhere.
I am off to bed. I am working the red eye from Albuquerque to NY tomorrow...so am trying to stay up late. Have any of you Mac users checked out Camino. Its Mozilla's browser designed specifically for Mac OS. I have been using it and I think its pretty cool.
14 comments:
As far as judging myself goes, it gets easier when I finally accepted that I am where I am supposed to be.
Think of Wellbutrin as a tool. It helps open doors that might have been closed.
The best thing about playing rugby is the Elephant Walk. Talk to me.
It sounds like you're taking care of yoruself with the meds and that's a good thang. See ya at the you-know-where.
Greetings Thomas
I wonder if this might interest you:
THE 12 STEPS DOWN TO HELL:
I imagine 12 Step recovery programs are a slow slide into the jaws of Satan. I was involved with this evil “satanic cult” [AA] for over 30 years but was saved through the power of Jesus Christ. He directed me to a therapist who was into “real” recovery, not the mind destroying, soul destroying, cult, which is AA. I have met two Steppers recently & I imagine they are completely devoid of any emotion or insight. I feel pain because both these men are decent human beings but AA has altered their brain structure & they have no idea how to relate apart from expounding AA propaganda. I imagine Hell to be a continuous flow of AA meetings without any light at the end of the tunnel because one never recovers'. I beg you people who are in 12 Step programs, to get out before it is too late.
How does one recover when one is handing one’s power over to AA. The 12 Steps were written out of Wilson’s head, he certainly didn’t get his guidance from the Bible. I imagine he was an agent of Satan & he & Smith’s “cult religion” has filled millions of Steppers with their anti - Christ propaganda.
Step Three of AA is "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him." While many in the Oxford Group placed their faith in Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour, there was much leeway given. Shoemaker, a leader of the Oxford Group, says, "The true meaning of faith is self-surrender to God." He further explains:
Surrender to whatever you know about Him, or believe must be the truth about Him. Surrender to Him, if necessary, in total ignorance of Him. Far more important that you touch Him than that you understand Him at first. Put yourself in His hands. Whatever He is, as William James said, He is more ideal than we are. Make the leap. Give yourself to Him. Aside from capitalizing the "H," which Christians do to refer to the God of the Bible, "Him" could refer to any god of one’s own making [bedpan]. Can you see what is happening to you, Tommy? Ask Jesus to take control of your life, read the Bible & instead of AA, go to Church. Burn your Big Book or use it as toilet paper. Can you see the difference: With The 12 Steps, you never recover but with John 3:16 you are guaranteed Eternal Salvation. The “ball is in your court”, Tom? Do you want to end up as a hissing, emotionally shutdown, cowardly, depressed, demonic, shape - shifting Bill Wilson zombie, Thomas? Are you related to, Kirk?
Peace Be With You
Micky
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